Okay, so a fellow blogger asked me this question “how do you rebuild trust?” and I thought I better do a post about it in the hopes that it could help any other victim of cheating who is trying to build their relationship up again after going through such a devastating experience. I won’t beat around the bush – it’s no easy feat trusting a man who has in some cases repeatedly betrayed you, but it can be done. The most important, crucial thing of all that will help you get past his infidelity are his actions. You must let him know (because men can be dense, ya know) that he did this to you, he made you paranoid, sensitive, temperamental, a big ol’ cry baby, he did this, and he must own his mistakes. If he really wants your relationship to succeed he will suck up whatever feelings he is going through (most likely getting annoyed that you want to trudge through all the details over and over again, get overly sensitive at any “innocent” comments he may make that triggers us to remember his betrayal, our suspicious minds “where have you been?!….”where are you going?!”) suck it up and appease you, because it is not fucking easy to forgive a cheating man. HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean you should give in to these feelings of yours, TRY to forget about it, TRY not to be overly paranoid about his whereabouts, TRY not to dwell on the past. Just TRY and one day you will do it without even thinking about it.
In my situation, it was very clear that my fiance was remorseful and that helped me a lot because it gave me some reassurance that, yes, he’s a fucking asshole who did the dirty on me, BUT he does care about me in his own twisted way. I WANTED him to hurt and to pay for what he had done to me but I couldn’t bring myself to do what he had done, it is just not in my nature and he is god damn lucky for that. I starting dolling myself up more because I wanted to feel good about myself, because he sure as hell didn’t make me feel good about myself, this made him worry. I didn’t care if he worried, I didnt care if he was neglected by me because he neglected the hell out of me when he cheated on me. I focused on my career and my children and MYSELF. One night, out of pure selfishness, I initiated sex. It was fun and he thought this meant we were moving forward, but my indifference towards him stayed. Confused he confronted me, he felt that I had used him for my own sexual gratification (I had) and he told me his heart was breaking because it didn’t feel like I cared for him at all, though he knew it was all his doing, he cried, a sort of cry where you can tell the crier is trying their best to hold it in but they just cannot keep the tears from dropping. This was my breakthrough, he was hurting, and that’s what I wanted, but at the same time I loved him and we all know, nobody likes to see a loved one hurting. I changed after that day. I tried my best not to re-live the betrayal, I had thoughts about it of course, I went crazy over it some days but I saved the crying for times when he wasn’t around. I listened to music that I felt conveyed my feelings about our current situation in an attempt to help me deal with my emotions. I wanted to feel the hurt to get it out of my system but I didn’t want our whole life to turn into one big “you cheated on me and that’s all I can think of” scenario. I thought about it, I just didn’t let it consume me. I put some boundaries on my guy and he appeased me and I’m happy to say I can now allow him to go out to a night club on his own without me fretting about what he is up to or who he is with. There is no magical cure for a broken heart, there is nothing that can heal the wound that flourishes from being cheated on, it takes tiny steps and dedication from each party in order to make it work. You must each KNOW that you are an extremely significant person to your other half.
We hit rock bottom and we managed to climb to the top again and just BE HAPPY AGAIN and that’s all I can hope for in life.
I sincerely hope all you fellow “cheatee’s” find your happiness, whether you are able to rebuild a broken relationship or move on to find new love and happiness elsewhere. I hope my post helped in some small way.
All the best on your journey!!!!